“There is a fine line between best friend and brother …”

There is a fine line between “best friend” and “brother” …

Francis Joseph Hogan was the nicest person I have ever known. No comparisons, top of the list, number one.

We’ve known each other from day one …

We have so much in common. The most important being our great love for the three F’s (Faith, Family & Friends).

Over the course of my life, I have been asked a simple question by hundreds of people I have just met “Where are you from”. It’s my favorite question because it’s very easy to answer and always leads into further discussion. “I’m an Irish Catholic from Auburn, New York and I’m one of 10 children” … but that’s not the end of the answer, the second half of my answer has always been “and my best friend is one of 12 and his father is one of 12, and the smallest family out of the 12 was 8, so he has over 100 first cousins …” The stories go hand in hand, always have, always will.

My earliest memories of Joe were our days at Skaneateles Country Club going to day camp during the summer (yes, Jeannie and Joanie needed to get the kids out of the house) and of course the Ringwood and Hogans car pooled (6 miles, one station wagon). At any point in time, there could have been 6,7,8, maybe 10 kids going at the same time (one station wagon). As the Ringwood station wagon drove down Marvin Ave and turned right up Genesee Street we would keep our fingers crossed (I hope the Hogans didn’t bring any guests today!!!). How I wish we had video of that station wagon pulling up to the country club and all of those kids spilling out of the car ready for a day of fun on Skaneateles Lake.

Joe and I naturally paired up. After all, out of all the Hogan/Ringwood combinations we were by far the best, smartest, handsomest, funniest, etc. We both loved to look for golf balls in the driving range (while brother Pat was busy shooting arrows into the lake). One day during our scavenger hunt Joe found a Hogan golf ball. It was a range ball so it had a red stripe around it. Joe was so excited, he spend the rest of the day scrapping off the red stripe so that he could give the ball to his Dad. That was Joe, thinking about someone else instead of himself.

Other than day camp our paths did not cross that much as I went to public school and Joe went to Catholic. We did however run into each other during Little League games. Joe played for Lum’s (or as we called them Lum’s Bums). One of my favorite Joe story of all time is his description of one particular game they played that summer. His team was tied, it was the bottom of the six inning, bases were loaded, the count was three and two and the pitcher on Joe’s team said his arm hurt and he couldn’t pitch anymore. As the coach stood on the mound with the pitcher, he was now tasked with picking a kid to throw the last pitch. Up popped Joe’s head and he stared right into the coach’s eyes. “Give me the ball coach, let me put this team on my shoulders and lead them to victory!!” The coach called out Hogan (not you Pat, Joe!) Joe quickly ran to the mound, threw his warm-up pitches, looked the batter in the eye and …… ball four game over! Most twelve year old kids would have been traumatized by this, but not Joe. Joe knew this was going to be a great story down the road.

During the summer after fifth grade, I asked my parents if I could continue to go to public school. After thoughtful consideration they said yes, but unfortunately my actions during that summer warranted a change. I was going to Blessed Trinity. At that time I didn’t know that they were making one of the best decisions ever made on my behalf. They were hooking me up full time with Hoagie. Joe, on day one, introduced me to Pat Rowley and Mark Connor and we immediately paired up with two more, Tom Fennessy and Chuck Ehresman, That was the start of what I call, “The Boys”.

Faith, Family and Friends (all in one, thanks Mom and Dad).

Joe played hockey and I played basketball. Our Monday morning ritual at school was to recap the weekend sporting results. “How did you guys do?” “Good we won both games, I had 5 goals and 4 assists. How did you guys do?” “Good we won our games I had 26 points and 0 assists …” The other discussion involved the never ending battle of who would have more nieces and nephews. We would tally up our totals (nieces, nephews and expecting) and compare on a weekly basis. Although the Ringwoods started out strong, we were soon overtaken by the Hogans. It wasn’t even close (thanks Pat, thanks Margie).

Middle School at Blessed Trinity also resulted in the annual Ringwood/Hogan New Year’s Eve sleepover with Joe, Pat and my brother Bob. This was the start of what I call “good things happen on New Year’s with the Hogans.” Those sleepovers lasted even into high school.

On to high school, with the addition of Sean Herbert, Tim Nolan, Paul Lattimore, John Cuddy and Jim Seibert. “The Boys” were now eleven strong and Joe was the glue that kept us together. There are way too many stories to tell regarding high school with “The Boys” so I will summarize it with just one word …. SHENANIGANS.

So, New Year Eve 1983 rolls around (and our senior year) and as always “The Boys” had plans to celebrate. Joe picked me up and I noticed that he just wasn’t the same joking, never-serious, funny person that he usually was. He had his game face on. Something was up but I just couldn’t figure it out. So we celebrated at several houses that night (“The Boys” could’t stay in just one place). When we were at our final house I did my usual scan to see where Joe was and I saw him in the corner talking to a young lady named Michelle Fitzpatrick. I told you, good things happen on New Year’s!

On to college, Joe would drive me to college and I would drive him. Joe went to St. Bonaventure, much to the chagrin of his entire family and much to the sheer joy of my brother Paul (a Bonnie alumni). So we drove up to Olean and within an hour of being on campus we were summoned to the Olean Police Department to discuss some shenanigans that had happened earlier in the day. Joe got us out of it.

College and careers began. Before we settled into our careers though we needed to take a trip. There was only one place that we could go … Ireland. So my first trip overseas was to Ireland and I went with a Hogan and a Fennessy???? There is nothing better … actually there is, going to Ireland with a Hogan, Fennessy, Connor, Rowley, Ehresman, Herbert, Nolan, Lattimore, Cuddy and Seibert. To this day, it’s the only trip that I have taken where I had to take additional days off to recover from the vacation. Plenty of shenanigans during that trip.

Life began to speed up after that. It was no longer how many nieces and nephews you had, it was how many kids. It was no longer how many goals or points did we have, it was how many goals or points did our kids have. I find it ironic that my son played hockey and Joe’s boys played basketball. But that’s what happens when we cross that line between brother and best friend. We rang the New Year in 2000 (good things always happened on New Year’s) but this time with kids in hand.

As the kids grew older, the communication was not as frequent but Joe and I both understood that. We were balancing the three F’s. It didn’t take more that a quick phone call to get up to date with each other. I would often talk to Joe on the way home from work and when I would get home I would announce to my wife that I talked to Hoagie. Julie would then proceed to ask me 5 or 6 questions about Joe’s family of which none of them I could answer. “Are you sure you talked to Joe???” You see, Joe always dominated our conversation because he was always genuinely interested in my family. I could never get a question in. Joe was never, “about himself.”

Life was moving at warp speed but we still found the time to get together. When my son played hockey in New Jersey, Joe always insisted that we stay with them. Joe always insisted that we stay over and kept my sangria glass constantly full to ensure this would happen. Joe and Micki’s house was beautiful, not only structure wise but because of the people that were living in it . It was a second home to me.

The mid 2010’s brought another call from Joe. This time he suggested a long weekend down in Myrtle Beach with Mark Conner and Tom Fennessy. What a weekend. Joe was, quite frankly, in rare form and of course there were plenty of shenanigans. Nothing better than that weekend unless of course it included a Hogan, Fennessy, Connor, Rowley, Erhesman, Herbert, Nolan, Lattimore, Cuddy and Seibert.

As the kids got older and more self-sufficient, the phone rang again. It was Joe just calling to catch up but he had an idea. He had been to a place called Cronin’s Resort. It was a golf course in Warrensburg NY. The course was a dump and the cabins hadn’t been upgraded since the 1970’s. It was perfect. Let’s get “The Boys” together. He put the whole thing together, and it was perfect and you all know why … because there was a Hogan, Fennessy, Connor, Rowley, Ehresman, Herbert, Nolan, Lattimore, Cuddy and Seibert.. Joe got “The Boys” together … he was the glue.

Joe had one regret in his life and he wanted all of us to know it. Although he had plans in place ( 5 years and he was done) life threw him a major curve ball . So he wants all of us to not delay or put things off for later. Live our lives right now.

After all, what is more important, a new product roll out or your kids sporting events.

After all, what is more important, heading down to the office on a Sunday night to get ready for next week’s work or staying upstairs in bed with your wife and watching a movie while she falls asleep in your lap.

After all, what is more important, heading to Europe on a moments notice or spending a weekend with “The Boys” at Cronins Golf Resort.

I think we all know the answers to these questions.

After all, there is no W in Faith, Family and Friends.

Boys, I’ll see you at Cronins in May!

I couldn’t wait to enjoy retirement together with Joe. This makes no sense. I do have one thing that comforts me and that is the amazing family that he leaves behind.

Kelly, future commissioner of the NBA. I’m calling it right now. And when that day comes, I am going to call you. Not to say “I told you so” but more importantly to request NBA finals tickets, front row, mid court and you sitting next to me. You have an incredible work ethic, just like your Dad. I remember a few months after you graduated from Wesleyan College, we were sitting around your kitchen island and your Dad started to complain about the fact that you were still on the family cellphone plan. I looked at Joe and said “Joe, he graduated early, are you kidding me?” Joe looked at me with that grin and proud look on his face and said “I know, I know.”

Kerry, future hedge fund manager. When I retire, you will be the first person I call! Has anybody ever told you that you look just like your Dad? Had anybody ever told you that you act just like your Dad? You are the next Joe Hogan, which are pretty big shoes to fill. No seriously, your Dad had huge feet, you have pretty big shoes to fill.

Grace, future engineer. I can’t wait to see where life takes you (probably to Spain at one point.) I forgive you Grace. I forgive you for beating up my son when the two of you were five years old. You have a very important trait that you need to maintain. You are now officially the nicest person I know.

Micki - 12/31/1983. You have been at the top of my list ever since that day. What you have done and how you have handled things over the last few months has been unbelievable. Keeping everyone informed, coordinating visits, responding to text messages and on and on. You are in a class by yourself as far as I’m concerned as a mother, wife and friend.

So now it’s official, there is no longer a fine line between best friend and brother. I’ve known Joe all of my life and I just realized that we never argued, never fought, never complained about each other. Nothing, 53 years, not a single negative thing.

So from this point forward, if someone asks me where I’m from, my answer is going to change:

“I’m an Irish Catholic from Auburn NY and I’m one of 11 children … 7 brothers and 3 sisters.”

I’ll see your soon buddy. Get the sangria ready … bye bye bye bye bye bye.

-Peter (December 2019)

Brothers