MY HERO
My Hero
I started writing this in early March (2020), before we moved to Montclair and before COVID-19 took control of our lives. In the beginning of this global pandemic, I thought I would be able to accomplish so much - write the business plans I've had in my head, finish this letter, and read at least a book a week. Here we are in June and I have not put together one business plan and at most I've read 25 pages in my latest book. Somehow I am working even more now than before. However, the true blessing is I am doing that work 10 feet away from my son. I would have never been able to spend this much time with him - I would have missed so many firsts. It has also given me a lot of time to reassess what is truly important and made me really appreciate how lucky and blessed I have been - one of those blessings being my hero.
I recently listened to a "new" song by Royce Da 5'9'' titled "Hero". In the song he talks about his hero, his father - "Papa was my hero, without him I'd be zero..." My first thought was, how cool would that be? Now that I am a father maybe I will forever be more sensitive to or aware of songs such as these, but how cool would it be to tell the world and your father simultaneously - that he is your hero? I immediately skip ahead months, years, then decades and each stop along the fantasy - Chase is telling me in different ways how I am his hero. Holy moly, talk about arrogance!! Then I reflect on my possibly irrational confidence that I will be a good father. It's probably because of my dad, my hero.
My hero gave me the road map and showed me the way. And let's be honest - if he can do it, I certainly can! All jokes aside, I think of all of the children that initially view their father as a superhero, only to be constantly disappointed. I've had the opposite. Every step along my life's journey he's proven my 3 year old self correct - that man is a superhero! I recently read Stephen Schwarzman’s (founder of Blackstone) book and one recommendation he had was to write three letters to people that you respect and admire. I don't have any talents, fans, or followers on social media. I don't even remember my twitter handle. But I do know the person who runs the Ringwood Family Tree website!! So I'll buy a couple postcards from her and see if she will post (after editing and making me look good of course) this letter to my hero, someone that I definitely respect and admire.
My hero will be the first to say how my mother did an amazing job raising me and my siblings (except Maggie, she's a lost cause). There's no doubt that she did just that, however, there's always a hint of regret in his voice. He wishes that he could have been around more, done more. I never understood and may never understand his regret. I have no memories of feeling abandoned or neglected - only the opposite. I remember my dad working in Detroit and somehow he still never missed one of my high school basketball games, hundreds of miles away. And yet he still wishes he did more. He drove me and my AAU teammates all across the east coast, but he wishes he did more. He would pick me and my friends up anywhere at any time of the day or night, but he wishes he did more. He turned down jobs that would have paid him more money, but would have required a significant move and change for the family - he still wishes he did more. That is who he is though, someone who always wishes he could do more for the people he loves.
My hero always thinks about the people that he loves first. The expression of giving someone the shirt off their back doesn't do my hero justice. I remember for whatever reason it was just me and my dad cruising the carousel mall (back when it was the carousel mall). There were these new Jordans that just came out and they legit came in a suitcase. As soon as he saw my face looking at them, he told me that I could get them. They were over $100 (at least $350 today with sneaker inflation) and at that time it felt like a billion dollars. Even though I had no real concept of money at that point, I knew it was a boatload and it might even get him in trouble with my mom. He didn't care - to him, seeing the pure joy and pride on my face when I put on the sneakers was worth way in excess of the monetary value. However, he never spent money on himself. Before Emily (the oldest one with the tornado twins) was born he sold his motorcycles. He didn't own one again until after they wrote the last check to Colgate for Kevin's (youngest one with non-blonde hair) college tuition. He loves riding his motorcycle and he sacrificed that feeling for decades for his family. And yet he still wishes he did more.
My hero is someone that treats everyone the same, regardless of who they are. Whether it is one of the founders of my firm or some random person he meets at the bar, he treats them equally. This usually means throwing in a corny dad-joke within the first three sentences and then sharing too much information about whatever is on his mind at the time. However, it has had an incredible impact on me. Don't judge a person by the way they look, their age, who they love, or their beliefs. Give everyone your respect and only change that if they prove they don't deserve it. With the unconscionable death of George Floyd and subsequent protests, I can’t help to think that this country needs more people like my hero. I’ve never had to fear for my life when getting pulled over by a police officer. I’ve never had to worry about armed police officers breaking down my front door. There is no question that institutional racism continues to plague our country, but it is something that my hero has refused to be a part of. Can you imagine if Bill Hoercher was the police officer that pulled up to the Wendy’s in Atlanta? I guarantee he would have made a few jokes then given Rayshard a ride home.
On my first fathers day, I really just want to say thanks to my hero - my dad. Thanks for being the person that you are and thanks for giving me the roadmap for being a father. That is why I have the confidence that I will be able to successfully guide (with a ton of help from Steph) my son that will most likely be a professional athlete - it is because of you. I’ve never really told you these things in much detail and I’ve only described a few examples of your character and personality that I admire. I am so thankful for everything (whether you realize it or not) that you have done for me and I couldn’t have asked for a better role model and father. You will always be my hero and I have no doubt you will be an absolute superhero to Chase.
Love always,
Your super cool oldest son - Andrew
June 2020
